My Orthodontist Hearts Me

Oh dear. I am in a such a state I just do not know what to do. Should I tell my husband? Oh, the angst of it all! Why did I not see this coming? The repeated summons to the office. The insistence on fumbling with my mouth. The leaning in to "get a closer look." You don't fool me, Mr. Orthodontist, man. Your infatuation with yours truly was cemented the second your Valentine appeared in my inbox.

Now, I'm not a foolish, little, naive girl. I'm a grown, married woman. I know how the business mind works. Make your customers feel special and you'll make your customers happy. But I must admit that this got me thinking. What other holidays would be befitting of an e-greeting from an orthodontist? Quick! To the Google Cave! We must find the answer to this pressing question!

January 4th: Trivia Day:  Dear Patient, Q: Who has scary orthodontic tools and can't wait to see you? A: Your Orthodontic Staff!

February 28th: National Tooth Fairy Day: Dear patient, Happy Tooth Fairy Day from your Orthodontic staff! We won't take your teeth, but we will make them straighten up!

February 29th: Leap Day: Dear Patient, Leap on over to the office and get your power chain checked! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

March 23rd: Near Miss Day: Dear Patient, Nearly missing your next adjustment will be catastrophic! *Hint-hint* Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

April 28th: Kiss Your Mate Day: Dear Patient: Don't forget to use your floss threaders before kissing your mate today. Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

May 1st: Mother Goose Day: Dear Patient: Mother Goose says:

Thirty white horses upon a red hill,
Now they tramp, now they champ, now they stand still.

But we say: Thirty white horses ready at the gate, We'll bracket them, ratchet them, until they stand straight. Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

June 3rd: Repeat Day: Dear Patient, Repeat your flossing and brushing daily and there's no need to worry when your braces come off! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

July 14th: National Nude Day:  Dear Patient, Come on in and we'll take it off.....Your power chain, silly *blush*! Love, your Orthodontic staff!

August 5th: Work Like a Dog Day: Dear Patient, We're working like dogs to make your teeth straight! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

September 2nd: National Beheading Day: Brace wire sticking your gums? Don't lose your head! Come on in and we'll clip it! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

October 7th: World Smile Day: Dear Patient, 'Nuff said! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

November 20th: Beautiful Day: Dear Patient, It's a beautiful day! And so are you! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

December 23rd: Roots Day: Dear Patient, Don't neglect your roots! Root canals with braces is soooooo not fun! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!