Brace Bracketology

With March Madness well behind us, I would hope that most NCAA enthusiasts are fully recovered from the withdrawal that surely followed. Admittedly, I am not much of bracketologist (actual term, by the way), and my March Madness quickly turned to March Sadness when my beloved Lady Boilers lost in the second round of the NCAA Women's tourney. After that, I really didn't care who won as long as it wasn't UNC, Duke, Tennessee, Stanford, Notre Dame, Michigan State, UConn. I'd root for Indiana before any of those teams. In the end, Baylor slammed Notre Dame, so I walked away a happy girl. As a die hard Cubs fan, I am used to saying "Oh well. Next year." While my bracketology skills are a little lacking when it comes to basketball, I have become quite well-versed in the bracketology of orthodontia. Having just surpassed my 2-year anniversary of bracefacefullness, I am hoping that we are now entering the final four. Months, that is.

So, I thought I'd fill this post with some fun facts and simple rules of ethics about these little metallic structures forged at the hands of evil gnomes doomed to a lifetime of sweating it out over a cauldron of molten metal in a cave deep in the belly of the underworld. Alright, a little melodramatic, but so what? It's my blog. Like it or lump it.

Here goes (some of this is from Wikipedia, so take it as you like it):

1. Brace sufferers have Aristotle and Hippocrates to thank (or blame) for our tortuous journeys. These two thinkers extraordinaire apparently did not have enough to think about. They filled up part of their day pondering how to straighten crooked teeth. Thank goodness we've come a long way, baby, as the thought of having catgut in my mouth sounds less appealing than eating fish eggs, fish eggs, roly-poly fish eggs.

2.  Speaking of catgut, it can also come from sheep, goat, hogs, horses, mules or donkeys. For the full selection of your favorite sinewy innards linings, watch for the fall catalog.

3.  But, I digress.

4.  Brace bracketology really got rolling in the 18th century, when iron wires were used to straighten teeth. Apparently, they were subject to rusting, a problem that could be alleviated by eating grapes.

5.  The first school of Orthodontics was started in the 20th century by a man named Angle.

6.  Please do not confuse braces with brackets or with parentheses. What the?

7.  I officially do not like this guy. Thanks for the memories, dude.

8. Who knew? The Orthodontia to Art connection: Braces and brackets for stretching canvasses. I've done this, by the way, and as an artist, it is quite a satisfying experience to stretch your own canvas.

9.  I still think it is a little awkward that braces, brackets and wires fall under the umbrella terms of "Orthodontic hardware" or "Orthodontic appliances." More evidence to support my hypothesis that all orthodontists secretly wanted to be demolition engineers.

10.  Any complaints from Invisalign wearers are rendered moot by the fact that Invisalign wearers are brace posers who should just Shut. It.

Cheers!

One Year Ago Today in Bracefacefullness

 This is what was doing in bracefaceland exactly one year ago today.

The Hip Bone's Connected to the.......

Well, technically the hip bone is made up of the head of the femur forming a ball-and-socket type joint with the acetabulum of the ilium. Don't believe me? Check the wiki site. Because, yeah, if it is on Wiki, it is gospel truth. I'm sure there are ligaments and tendons and such that are responsible for keeping the hip joint in tact and moving properly. Given that it has been ten years since I've worked as an Xray tech (rather insulting term for a Radiologic Technologist, but that's a story for another day), I really can't fill you in on the details. Just Google it. Being a joint, I'm sure there is some synovial fluid and cartilage in there somewhere, too. Otherwise, how would we get arthritic hips without that stuff being there to disappear, leaving bone to grind on bone. (And not in a good way. Huh? Did I just say that?).

Joints are amazing things and not because of the mellow and/or euphoric feeling they leave behind. Wait, wrong subject again, and one that I know nothing about. Swear to God. The one fascinating thing about joints--the anatomical kind--is that they move. They allow the body to move. My fingers are able to type right now because the joints between my finger bones (phalanages or digits, for those techies out there) and metacarpals allow for movement. If they weren't allowed to move, what you would see on the screen as a result of rigid hands tapping on the keyboard would look something like this: ;aisorjioarjaijaggajasfkg 'jgpj jasgjafjasoiupbjgtlgthhiogaglktjlthuiooiprgkl;fgshtuyoputykl;tdjio;u09[qw40-4kg.

But it doesn't look like that, so thank goodness for joints that move. What does this have to do with braces? Well, since you asked, I'll tell you. I'll give my answer in the form of a question, Alex. If teeth move, and teeth are technically bones joined to other bones, why are they not considered joints? Think about it in terms of the hip joint. The root of the teeth would be akin to the head of the femur; whereas the indentation (not a techie term) in the mandible (lower jaw bone) or maxillae (upper jaw bones) would be considered the acetabulae. The gums would be like cartilage and synovial fluid, meant to cushion the joint and prevent bone from rubbing on bone, again, not in a good way. There is actually a ligament involved called the periodontal ligament that attaches the teeth to the alveolar bones (a techie term), or the "sockets" in which the teeth sit. The point of this ligament is to allow for the chewing motion that allows one to enjoy double chocolate brownies to the point of euphoria. DUH!

So there--we have synovial fluid, cartilage, ligaments, tendon-like tissues and bone inserted into bone, all bundled together with the ability of these bones (the teeth) to move. This movement can occur either through natural events, like losing a baby tooth, getting old and hormones (fess up, ladies) or by unnatural means, for instance, getting your teeth knocked out by that fastball that was a little too high and inside. (Spring training--had to include a baseball reference). And also for instance, through the pulling and tugging of metallic inanimate objects called brace brackets and wires forged through the blood and sweat of evil gnomes. In any event, if the movement of teeth involves bone moving within bone, why, then are they not commonly referred to as joints? Anyone? Anyone?

For your viewing pleasure: http://ocsupportgroup.ning.com/video/how-do-teeth-move-during

My Orthodontist Hearts Me

Oh dear. I am in a such a state I just do not know what to do. Should I tell my husband? Oh, the angst of it all! Why did I not see this coming? The repeated summons to the office. The insistence on fumbling with my mouth. The leaning in to "get a closer look." You don't fool me, Mr. Orthodontist, man. Your infatuation with yours truly was cemented the second your Valentine appeared in my inbox.

Now, I'm not a foolish, little, naive girl. I'm a grown, married woman. I know how the business mind works. Make your customers feel special and you'll make your customers happy. But I must admit that this got me thinking. What other holidays would be befitting of an e-greeting from an orthodontist? Quick! To the Google Cave! We must find the answer to this pressing question!

January 4th: Trivia Day:  Dear Patient, Q: Who has scary orthodontic tools and can't wait to see you? A: Your Orthodontic Staff!

February 28th: National Tooth Fairy Day: Dear patient, Happy Tooth Fairy Day from your Orthodontic staff! We won't take your teeth, but we will make them straighten up!

February 29th: Leap Day: Dear Patient, Leap on over to the office and get your power chain checked! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

March 23rd: Near Miss Day: Dear Patient, Nearly missing your next adjustment will be catastrophic! *Hint-hint* Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

April 28th: Kiss Your Mate Day: Dear Patient: Don't forget to use your floss threaders before kissing your mate today. Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

May 1st: Mother Goose Day: Dear Patient: Mother Goose says:

Thirty white horses upon a red hill,
Now they tramp, now they champ, now they stand still.

But we say: Thirty white horses ready at the gate, We'll bracket them, ratchet them, until they stand straight. Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

June 3rd: Repeat Day: Dear Patient, Repeat your flossing and brushing daily and there's no need to worry when your braces come off! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

July 14th: National Nude Day:  Dear Patient, Come on in and we'll take it off.....Your power chain, silly *blush*! Love, your Orthodontic staff!

August 5th: Work Like a Dog Day: Dear Patient, We're working like dogs to make your teeth straight! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

September 2nd: National Beheading Day: Brace wire sticking your gums? Don't lose your head! Come on in and we'll clip it! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

October 7th: World Smile Day: Dear Patient, 'Nuff said! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

November 20th: Beautiful Day: Dear Patient, It's a beautiful day! And so are you! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!

December 23rd: Roots Day: Dear Patient, Don't neglect your roots! Root canals with braces is soooooo not fun! Love, Your Orthodontic Staff!